Err on the Side of Compassion

 

TRANSCRIPT:

Teachers were reacting
To an article about a former student
Who had been raped
Before she came to us
Who had not told anybody
Until after she left us

Nobody knew

How can we make sure that we know these things?
The teachers were asking

And they began to brainstorm

Student information system
Digital documentation
Communication applications

And I interrupted.

And what will you document?
You won’t know. Most of the time, you won’t know.

Then we need to ask, the teachers were saying. We need to inquire and open up that communication, and…

How?
Do you introduce yourself and ask, “Have you been raped?” Or go down the list of many, many, other possible traumas?

You won’t know. Most of the time, you won’t know.

Because you cannot know.

And did you know… it isn’t your right to know.

It isn’t your place to demand this information. You are not entitled to this.

Yes. Mandatory reporting, is a must
But until you have that trust
You might miss the signs, and the actual danger might be in the past.

Because those signs look different ways for different kids.
Often misinterpreted, or totally misread.

Trauma a year ago feels like trauma yesterday, so the past is now even though there’s nothing to report.

Yes, I know you want to help, and that this information would make it so much easier to do so. I understand this. But you won’t know. Most of the time, you won’t know.

So what can we do?

Err on the side of compassion.

If a student is struggling, assume that there is a good reason for it. Even if you are given what seems to be a weak reason, know that this may not be the only reason, or even the real reason… and err on the side of compassion.

No, this doesn’t mean become a doormat. This doesn’t mean putting up with you or others suffering abuse. I don’t speak of enabling bullying.

I speak of not being the bully.

I speak of creating a safe space. So maybe the student can share with you. If they… so choose.

I speak of empowering student voice. So they can have a say in their education, in their life, and move forward the best way they can. With or without telling you everything.

I speak of holding space. Say, I am here for you, if you need me. No judgment.

No judgment.

Err on the side of compassion.

The student who was a rape victim gained her voice over time. With a stronger voice, she was able to break her silence. And now she is serving as the voice of others.

SHE did this, this healing…. During the time she was with us. She blossomed. Without us ever knowing. We erred on the side of compassion.

So that’s what we continue to do.

For so many other students who come to us this way, this is what we do.

And there’s no app for that. This comes from heart.

 

 

 

The Secret Life of Trees, and Me

I find myself sharing variations of the above information, and here’s why:
 
Saying/thinking “all things are connected” and “I am connected with all that is” is part of how I deal with Complex PTSD.
 
This strategy comes from connecting with nature since I was an itty bitty – since the earliest of memories. I would try to explain to confused adults that the trees communicate, of how the ground beneath and between them “breathes”, and of the energy that I sensed connecting all the things, ALL, including me.
 
In nature, I wasn’t alone, and nature held me. I would sink into a thick gathering of foliage and snuggle in there. Held. And often visited by critters who decided I was safe. Safe. In the moment, safety surrounded me. Unlike elsewhere….
 
Sometimes you will still find me like this! There I will be, out in the middle of nature, snuggled in. Loved ones now jokingly call me Snow White or Disney Princess because of the critters. 
 
Science is catching up. How I experience the world, sensing the connections, and seeing through the eyes of an empath with synesthesia, is no longer just “woo woo.” :p I might still be a freak, but I’m a scientifically documented freak, thank you very much.
 
All things are connected. I am connected. It is a state of being that is neither good nor bad. No judgement here. Even Death simply “is”. Here is where I can take deeper breaths. Feel the ebb and flow of all. And then continue the path I find myself on in this world.
 
Thank you for being here with me. 
 

See First

pic23What if a student was highly intelligent, perhaps even with stronger understanding of complex concepts than you and me, but was unable to speak or write or type. What then? How would we know? How would we see?

I recently had the pleasure of talking with wonderful parents of a boy who was considered to be nonverbal until he got his hands on a letterboard — a way to communicate that didn’t require fine motor skills. It turns out that he processes auditory information quite well, is very bright, and is now on a path to prepare for a college education likely in physics. That letterboard was a game changer.

His story reminded me of Carly Fleischmann whose inner voice could finally be “heard” by typing. The part about Carly’s story that stuck with me was her dad reflecting on how they used to talk about Carly with Carly in the room, as if Carly was not able to understand. He later found out that she was comprehending everything, and the regret weighed heavy in his voice.

These stories are awe-inspiring, but what about the more mundane stories out there?  There are so many other students who are being assessed by methods that are limited. The limited methods… limit our ability to truly “see” students for all that they are. This is more common than not. One of the problems with most school assessments is that they are limited to “paper and pencil”, or perhaps computerized, tests that required verbal-linguistic skills.

Why do we do this? It’s a cycle. Those who did well with verbal-linguistic skills, along with meeting other neurotypical expectations, are the ones who go on to become the test-makers and evaluators of the test results.

Now it is time to see beyond. The first step is gaining awareness through stories like Carly’s and studies such as the following:

Words Say Little About Cognitive Abilities in Autism by Nicholette Zeliadt, Spectrum News

Interaction Takes Two: Typical Adults Exhibit Mind-Blindness Towards Those With Autism Spectrum Disorder. Edey R, et al. J Abnorm Psychol. 2016

Note that second one isn’t about verbal so much as nonverbal, and the title caught several people by surprise when it was first posted. This reaction shows how pervasive our preconceived filters can be, including in how we frame our research.

To quote Douglas Adams, “See first, think later, then test. But always see first. Otherwise, you will only see what you were expecting.”

 

Invisibilia Podcast

Invisibilia (Latin for invisible things) is about the invisible forces that control human behavior – ideas, beliefs, assumptions and emotions. Co-hosted by Lulu Miller, Hanna Rosin and Alix Spiegel, Invisibilia interweaves narrative storytelling with scientific research that will ultimately make you see your own life differently.”

 

Thanks to Craig for sending this “rabbit hole” — so many interesting episodes here!

Tamra’s Pond

_Tamra at PondStacy Smythe came up to me at recent gathering saying “I found you a pond.” He and Alma then explained…

“Tamra’s Pond” – is one of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever been presented. It’s the gift of a special type of experience and state of being… being able to sit in the serenity of nature… nature that includes water – so all the better.

Stacy would have to explain any details, but my understanding is he has been using different tech, comparing satellite images to maps, to look for previously unmapped bodies of water. The real challenge was to find an unmapped body of water that I could also hike into!

Since it isn’t being accessed by people, the nature there is “more” — just more pristine, undisturbed, allowed to be. See the pics to see what I mean.

I have many pics showing gorgeous horizons, but hesitate to post publicly because I’d like to keep this place mostly human free — while still making pilgrimages in to visit.

The pond is at the bottom of a water meadow going down a rolling hill, which reminds me of one of those cascading fountains where one level pours into the next, until the water lands in the largest pool at the bottom. It will be neat to compare the spring with the late summer/fall.

Thank you to Stacy and Alma for a beautiful Sunday, and to Craig and Kevin for sharing in the adventure.  *loves*

Pictures

 

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