Not Pizza or Potato Chips – Moving Past the Ownership Mentality

heart-shaped-pizza-shape-salami-many-other-ingredients-39233297Curious Monogamous Person (CMP): So your boyfriends share you?

Me: *blinks in confusion* I’m not a pizza.

Later… CMP: So you can date as many people as you want. Why do you only have two partners?

Me: They’re not potato chips.

*Laughter* Remarks about food analogies.

Sorry… I’m hungry.


A friend or business contact who wants to go out to lunch isn’t consenting to *sharing* me when I schedule a meeting with another contact.

My daughters are “mine” and yet I do not own them — they are autonomous grown women.


The idea of *sharing* is a left-over concept for people coming from a type of monogamy mindset that includes *ownership.* I don’t own anybody, and nobody owns me. I have strong devoted relationships of many types (romantic and otherwise), plus I have more casual relationships (romantic and otherwise).

Yes, with the more devoted relationships, there is a mindfulness in nurturing the relationships, coordinating schedules, and so on because we are operating as an extended family unit. We are part of something bigger, but that something does not *own* us.

Note: reaching for the ownership mentality is usually due to insecurity and wanting to have something more solid-feeling in commitment.

It’s also an illusion.

Even with monogamy, it’s not the guarantee people want it to be. I say this while also holding close to my heart my own committed relationships and the hope to have my loved ones close until our final days, and nurture these relationships toward that end… but still, nobody owns anybody here.