“The brains of children raised in violent families resemble the brains of soldiers exposed to combat, say psychologists. They’re primed to perceive threat and anticipate pain, adaptations that may be helpful in abusive environments but produce long-term problems with stress and anxiety.” ~ Brandon Keim
I often tell my daughters to be wise, to stop a moment and think so that they can make good decisions. Note that they are both teens, so the “stop a moment to think” part is rather important considering the typical teenager’s brain.
But can they ever truly obtain wisdom? Can any of us? Or is it instead something we strive for, continuously? Is it the pursuit itself that is important – the journey toward the destination that might never be reached?
I was recently reading something by Dr. Adler discussing the “goods of the mind” as being information, knowledge, understanding, and the pursuit of wisdom. I found it interesting that he did not indicate simply “wisdom” or “obtaining wisdom” but instead the pursuit.
It reminded me of the movie “Pursuit of Happiness.” Have you seen this movie? If so, do you remember when the main character’s narration was reflecting on the phrase “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?” He noted that instead of saying one has a right to happiness, one has a right to the pursuit of happiness.
We might recall moments of feeling happiness, perhaps even feeling happy now. Perhaps we have made wise decisions in the past, or we might currently feel wise. Does that be we *are* wise? Do we ever become “happiness” or “wisdom?”
Even if not, it seems foolish (unwise?) to suggest that one stop reaching for happiness and wisdom. Avoiding an entitlement attitude of the self-proclaimed victim, one realizes that happiness, wisdom, and similar states are not to be delivered on a silver platter. Instead, we each have the right to the pursuit – and it is up to each of us as to what to do with that.
The power is in each of us.
When it comes to Thanksgiving, it’s all about presentation. And I’m not talking about the food on the table, but what’s served up to you in your own mind.
Perspective determines reality. What most people don’t realize is how much control they have over that perspective and – in turn – reality.
The past few weeks leading up to this Thanksgiving serve as a good example. One kid was slammed with a flu and fever that kept increasing in spite of medicine and tepid water, almost warranting a trip to the ER before it finally broke. Another kid seems to be going out of remission with Von Willebrand symptoms. And my husband had no less than two near-death experiences while out of town, one resulting in some quick hustling to get him back home, requiring four flights over the course of two days.
And how do I feel about all this? Graciously happy! Yes, a little tired… but thankful. Thankful that the fever broke, and that my daughter is healing. Thankful that our modern medicine gives my oldest daughter options for a full life. Thankful that my husband is home, safe, and recovering. And thankful that we have medical insurance to help with the costs!
Life is good.
Yes, sometimes life is hard, and things happen for which it is difficult to perceive anything to be thankful about. Sometimes the distance of time, and the gained wisdom during that time, is needed. For example, the loss of a parent can be a source of grief; the loss of a parent at a young age can create questions of fairness. However, in looking back at such experiences in my own life, I am able to see that there was a purpose in the timing. I can also celebrate what was. Not everyone is so blessed to have something worth grieving. As Dr. Suess said, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”
Some people are better than others at choosing happiness. When born and raised in a society that encourages negativity, this happiness thing can take a whole lot of practice! However, brain research suggests that we can “fake it until we make it” on our way to happier (and healthier) thought patterns, and conscious practice can lead to mastering our perspectives and habits. In A Complaint Free World, Will Bowen addresses this by noting the following steps in breaking a bad habit or forming a new way of being:
- Unconscious Incompetence: you’re not aware that you are engaging in the bad habit.
- Conscious Incompetence: you’re aware, but you struggle to overcome the habit.
- Conscious Competence: you avoid the bad habit, but only with conscious effort.
- Unconscious Competence: you are now a natural! The bad habit is gone, and you don’t even have to think about it anymore.
Avoiding complaining puts the focus on creating solutions. Instead of saying what you don’t like or don’t want, begin stating what you do like and what you do want. This helps build an appreciation for the good things currently in your life while inviting more good things your way. As Gandhi explained, you can “be the change you want to see in the world.”
Try this. Look at any social media site to notice how many complaints or negative comments are posted, even those supposedly nested in humor. Do the negative or the positive posts get more interest? Pay attention to your own communications, both written and verbal. Do you let others entice you into negativity? Do some people even react negatively to other people’s positive or proactive statements, as if they are somehow personally threatened or worried that a positive perspective is a judgment on their negative ones?
More importantly, how do you respond to these situations?
How do you define your own reality?
May you be blessed with many things to be thankful for… and the ability to recognize each and every one.
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes.” ~ William Gibson
Learn about William Gibson: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Gibson
“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer