Wait, wait! Before you go…

Wait, wait! Before you go.

I have questions to ask you. Things to say. And things to learn that I can only learn from you. Can we schedule some time together?

Yes, I know that it is already past time. There is no more time. We took time, missed other time, and now you are gone. My heart just doesn’t recognize this yet. 

 

The above is reflective of a conversation I had with my daughter this morning after we learned that a beloved family member had passed from a freak accident, and neither of us could process it.  A few days earlier, many people close to me were reeling from another death in the community from suicide. A few weeks earlier, I was at the memorial of a dear friend who also took his life.

My therapist asked me how I grieve. It’s admittedly an appropriate topic right now.  She helped me see how my process is to shut down my own emotions and to take care of others. My own grief is delayed, perhaps indefinitely. Perhaps this is why my mind is stuck thinking that the separation is temporary, like an extended vacation, and we can get together again later.

Meanwhile, Kevin just left for Cuba for nine days, and since he won’t have cell service, my (obviously rather confused) brain is in full grief mode. Supposedly this is normal, and I just need to figure out how to find a focus for my grief. For the record, I’m annoyed by this feeling and prefer my “abnormal” way much better.

 

Here’s to taking the time when we have it, gratitude for what was, and treasuring what is.